Helping Men Understand Women

Women and men are very different. It is a fact of life that has led to many discussions and publications on the subject. We can drive one another to distraction with the many eccentricities that each of our genders displays. Men often complain about not understanding women and their thoughts, labeling many as unstable, unreasonable, and even neurotic. Women also gripe about the actions of men, which are beyond their comprehension, tagging them as unfeeling, hurtful, or hateful. This is not to say that there aren’t some truly unstable individuals out there who deserve the labels attached to them. However, the people being discussed here are the normal, everyday variety. No blanket statement can apply to everyone, so of course there are exceptions to these statements. We will just say that these comments reflect a large majority of men and women. Many of these men and women have been involved in some sort of relationship or interaction with the opposite sex that has left them hurt or dazed and confused. Yet, most continue in this crazy and uncertain dance of life for the possibility of finding that “special someone.”

Men are said to be “simple creatures.” This is not only untrue, but is terribly insulting. Often men have simple wants or needs, but this does not in any way make them simple. Their ways of attaining these needs can be very complex, and women should not be fooled into thinking that they are incapable of complex thought or intelligence, simply because they do not tend to express themselves as freely as women. Most men just are not “talkers” as many women are; they are more “doers.” Though many books, publications, and sites have offered different information and advice on the subject, several share these common behaviors that men find aggravating and unattractive about women:

1. Women insult themselves, most particularly about the way they look.

2. Women get “attached” too easily to men.

3. Women are too difficult to get into bed, they play “hard to get,” and once they are in bed, they are not adventurous enough.

4. Women want to talk about feelings too often.

5. Women talk to their friends about private information.

6. Women change too much after you get involved with them.

7. Women remember every mistake, hold it against them, and keep bringing it back up.

8. Women complain too often about men’s behaviors.

9. Women get jealous too easily.

10. Women try to be a man’s “pal” by doing things like watching sports, hanging out with his friends, etc…

Let’s begin with the first behavior and move through in order to the end.

Most women do judge themselves. We are our own biggest critics. In our hearts, women believe that men do the same thing, but men don’t talk about it. In a world full of supermodels, actresses, and beauty queens who are lusted after by men the world over, is it any wonder? Women want to be desired and feel like they are important. Also, many are insecure because of past remarks or situations where their esteem took a beating. They are often just seeking reassurance that they are desirable to the man they are with.

Women can become attached to a man more quickly than he is to her. A good question to ask a man in this situation would be “What have you done together?” or “Have you been intimate?” Why is this question relevant? Women are emotional beings. Men are more physical and visual. It is just a fact of life. We have hormones flowing through our bodies that help control our behavior, and there is not much we can do about it. Women attach emotions to sex. The “friends with benefits” approach often turns out very badly for the female partner. Most women might go into the arrangement thinking it is going to work out, but often end up having feelings they were not expecting. Females can also fight the attraction they feel and avoid situations where they will end up in bed with a guy. One night stands often leave females feeling empty and ashamed. We know that some men are only looking for a good time, and no one likes to feel used. Many women are also raised knowing how “good girls” are supposed to behave, and that those are who men look for in a real relationship. No woman wants to feel like men look at her, think about her, or talk about her as if she is not respectable. A good practice would be for a man to be honest and upfront from the beginning about what he is after and to always be considerate, and for the woman to do the same.

Many women do feel the need to talk about feelings. It has to do with being emotional. It is a fact that women are more likely to express themselves than men. Often, women do not understand why a guy does not want to express his feelings. Women talk to their friends about private information because of this reason. Since men are usually not as big a communicators as women or do not seem to need to talk as much, women often turn to their friends with their thoughts and feelings. Also, sometimes women need to be with others who understand what they are going through. No one understands a woman like another woman. Because women think differently than men about some issues, they often do not consider some things as “private” as their male counterparts.

Because of emotions and hormones, women can change. This might be difficult to believe, but women feel these changes and are often frustrated with them also. It is very difficult to feel different from one day to the next, and this instability is often upsetting and confusing to women as well. It is why women are often more likely to get irritated with men, complain, and hold things against them. However, men can act differently also. Sometimes, men begin to treat their companion differently, and this can cause a female to become aggravated, insecure, hateful, or jealous. Other issues that can lead to jealousy in women are having a partner who is flirtatious, being insecure, having bad past experiences, or feeling guilt for their own indiscretions. However, generally most women, being physically unstable already, do not respond well to changes in behavior by men. Women will often start wondering what it is they did or said, what they have done, or what they have not done to be treated so differently.

Lastly, women do sometimes try to be a man’s “pal” by doing things like watching sports and hanging out with his friends. They are looking for acceptance and want to feel included. You know, men are not the only ones who like to be impressive. Often, women are trying to impress the men, so they will seem even more attractive. Also, the reason women often want to bond with a man’s friends is because they are his friends. Some women want to get closer to you, and who is closer to a guy than his friends?

Now, is this an excuse for women to behave any way they choose guilt-free? Of course not. We all must accept responsibility for our actions. Also, there are both women and men out there who are very unreasonable and impossible to relate to. Anyone involved in a miserable or abusive relationship should get out. However, for normal situations, perhaps these comments will help some men accept, or even understand, why women exhibit these behaviors. Most experts firmly believe that the most positive things that men and women can do to avoid misunderstandings or hurtful situations is to be honest and to communicate expectations, thoughts, and beliefs with one another from the first moment they meet.